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We use cookies and other tracking technologies to improve your browsing experience on our site, show personalized content and targeted ads, analyze site traffic, and understand where our audiences come from. To learn more or opt-out, read our Cookie Policy. Journalist Peggy Orenstein crisscrossed the country talking to them about masculinity, women, and sex. This is what she learned.
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Boys and sex: Are we raising boys wrong? - Vox

Strictly speaking, of course, even indifference is a feeling, but I knew what they meant: They wanted to know if they could have sex without caring: devoid of vulnerability, even with disregard for a partner. I thought about those boys this week as I watched Harvey Weinstein, in an Oscar-worthy performance of abject harmlessness, hobble on his walker into the New York Supreme Court in Manhattan. The MeToo movement has exposed sexual misconduct, coercion and harassment across every sector of society. Weinstein ends up with fingers crossed the longest prison sentence in history. To make real change we need to tackle something larger and more systemic: the pervasive culture that urges boys toward disrespect and detachment in their intimate encounters. I never intended to write about boys. But four years ago, after publishing a book about the contradictions young women still face in their intimate encounters, I realized, perhaps inevitably, that if I truly wanted to promote safer, more enjoyable, more egalitarian sexual relationships among young people, I needed to have the other half of the conversation.
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A highly constructive analysis that provides many topics for exploration and discussion by parents and others who interact She exposes the trashy locker-room talk prevalent in athletic circles and how it is difficult for boys to speak up against such behavior for fear of losing their own place in the male world. She gives graphic, sometimes unsettling descriptions of boys and their consumption of pornography, which many use as their only source of information on what a sexual relationship should entail. Orenstein also shares numerous stories about boys realizing their inappropriate behavior with girls, and she chronicles how, even while they feel shame and regret, they may still avoid self-criticism in order to fit in with their peers.
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Every few pages, the boy world cracks open a little bit…. It also had an unexpected effect on its author: Orenstein realized that talking about girls is only half the conversation. Boys are subject to the same cultural forces as girls—steeped in the same distorted media images and binary stereotypes of female sexiness and toxic masculinity—which equally affect how they navigate sexual and emotional relationships. The result is a provocative and paradigm-shifting work that offers a much-needed vision of how boys can truly move forward as better men.
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